Monday, November 7, 2016

Test of Faith

This weekend my car was broken into in my own driveway.  I had been parked on the far side of our three car garage because we had cleaned out the garage all day Saturday, that night someone stole my money from my wallet.  They probably saw the tipped over ride on airplane toy my three year old rides too fast down the hill in our driveway, and may have noticed a swaying wooden Adirondack swing mounted to the end of my porch.  Did they notice the hall light on upstairs that I use to make my way in the middle of the night to make bottles? I'm not sure.  They had to of seen the two car seats in the back, and the stroller in the way back.  When they went through the center console they dug through book fair fliers, cartoon DVDs, spare clothes for tiny people, swim diapers, and my personal belongings.  They had to of seen the embarrassing number of Starbucks pastry bags the cookies my toddler loves come in.  His pumpkin bag with his name on it, still filled with Halloween candy, I save for bribes on the go.  They settled on my diaper bag, where they rifled through diapers, burp cloths, baby ugg boots, and a baby jacket before they found the wallet they wanted.  They took the wallet to the woods at the edge of my lawn looked at my license, took out my receipts, credit cards and gift cards, before they found the $47 in cash.  I wasn't even mad... actually happy to have my licence and credit cards... for a moment I felt lucky.  Then I realized you touched my children's things.  You disregarded them when you saw their belongings and stole their money anyway.  Yes, their money.  Because everything we do and have is for the betterment of our kids lives.

I have to stop there before I think beyond that and feel bitter.  I found my way back to church about a year ago and can't think of a better way to test my ability to forgive.  I don't like what they did to us.  I don't like that they saw my name, touched my kids things, and stole from us while I slept feet away inside my home with my toddler next to me and my infant on the other side in a bassinet.  I hate it actually.  I need to forgive them, because I don't have room for that hate in my heart, a heart so full of love for the precious boys you violated.  I am mad at myself for not hearing them in my driveway but I am thankful I serve a God who had our backs that night.  A God who let me soundly sleep, not forcing me to fear, or to decide weather to confront them.  My faith in the lord allows me to forgive you, to move on, to not be afraid.  Because when evil is on my doorstep, he will protect us.  What  a gift this person who violated us, has given me.  To give me the reassurance that no matter what is going on, on the outside, our safe place is protected.

So many people have lamented that these events have stolen my peace of mind or security.  Truthfully I allowed myself to go there at first.  Then I realized how much worse this could have been.  It could have been someone intruding into my home.  Wanting more than petty cash for what I have to assume is a bad habit they have.  I have to thank the lord for not just keeping us safe last night but also for being in a good place in our lives.  We aren't desperate.  We don't need to steal to make ends meet.  $47 dollars won't break us, or alter the course of our lives.  We aren't rich, but we are comfortable, happy, and forgiven.  Just as we have been forgiven, we will try to forgive.

I just hope they are caught before a good ol' boy from Maine shoots them in the act.  I hope they are young and this is a bad phase they are going through.  I know they have time to turn their life around and I want them to.  I hope they run into a God fearing person who can shed a little grace on them and point them in the right direction.  I'm not perfect.  I have walked a wild road to get where I am today.  But I serve a God who forgives, who calls us all to forgive others, and that's the message I hope my kids can take from an experience like this, but not until they are old enough obviously.  I also hope that if they find themselves making big mistakes someone finds a little forgiveness for them. 

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