Friday, November 28, 2014

Happy Birthday, Leavitt William

Leavitt William,

You have blessed me with the best year of my life.  A year full of excitement, joy and firsts.  I hope today you feel as special as you are and that you know how much you are loved.   It is hard believe we have shared only a year together.  Although it seems like yesterday you were born, I can barely recall a life without you here.  You have changed my perspective and give meaning to even the smallest moments.  I am so grateful to have been chosen as your Mom.

A few days ago you had your first Christmas.  In years past your Dad and I would have had things in mind we were hoping to get.  This year all we wanted was for you to have the best Santa could find and to see you smile.  You got way more stuff than any one child could ever want or wear.

I love the person you are.  You have a magnetic personality, and the happiest smile.  You are timid in crowds, clinging to your safe people.  You have a wild streak a mile wide, but you tend to save that for your Momma and Daddy.  I am so aware of how sensitive you are.  When you reach for someone and they don't reach back you have the saddest little face.   You have a very tense relationship with the word "no"… in fact I have found a dozen ways to say no without ever uttering the word.  You are so smart and feisty.  I promise to do my best to preserve your personality, to not allow the world to alter your innocence.

Selfishly I hoped this year would come and go slower than it has.  I am not entirely ready for you to be a toddler.  I have enjoyed and cherished every stage leading us here, though some were easier than others.  You have crammed as much growing and learning into a year that any baby could and I am excited to see what next year brings.  So as you continue to grow and change I want you to know that your parents love you, we love each other, and you have a family that is doing their best to make sure you have everything you need.

Happy Birthday Baby!!!


Month Eleven

Precious Leavitt,
I have sat down to write to you three times now about our eleventh month together.  I am not sure why this one has me so emotional but I am having a hard time finding the words to describe my feelings.  As things get harder for me to express you are expressing yourself more everyday.  I have always known with your subtle ways who your favorite people are.  You are now letting it be known.  You leap out of my arms and into whoever you are excited to see.  Your face lights up when you see your loved ones.  I love your innocence and your brutal honesty without words.  You're so special.

We had Thanksgiving this week.  We had brunch at home with Grammy and watched the Macy's parade.  We had a late lunch with your Varney family at your Great Aunt & Uncle's house.  You were so shy at first.  Not wanting me to put you down, or pass you to someone else.  You weren't ready to venture off my hip until your Grampy got there.   He tried to give you to your Nana and you cried.  Not because you don't love her, but you two have a bond that is undeniable.  I am happy for you that you love your Dad's father, I think it is good for the three of you.  I am happy to see you forming relationships with your family.  You warmed up after a bit spent time on every ones lap and showed them just how busy you can be.  It was an exhausting day.  You stayed at my Mom's that night.  She text me to tell me you woke up crying for me.  I had to fight the urge to run right over there and stay with you.  I wish I never needed help getting things done and giving you 100% all the time.  I wish you never had to spend any time away from me.  I was heart broken to think you cried for me and I wasn't there.

The holiday rush is upon us.  Your birthday planning is in full swing.  This next month is going to fly by, and I am pretty sure this is why I am having such a hard time describing your eleventh month.  I am so excited for everything to come I just wish I could keep you little longer.  Thank you for you love little man, you are everything to me.