Monday, October 24, 2016

Remember This

There are so many things I take for granted being a Mom.  I hate that I know this about being a parent, and yet there is nothing I can do about it.  Tiny moments that bring great pleasures and yet somehow they go unsavored.  I am terrified to forget these things that I am noticing for the second time.  The things that made my heart skip a beat becoming a mom for the first time, that I had forgotten until I had another.  Part of me dies thinking I won't remember some of this someday.

The smell of my son on my clothes as I pull my shirt over my head at the end of a long day.  Weather it's his Noodle & Boo lotion from his face and head, or spit up from a feeding a little too on-the-go for his tiny body to handle.  As I put my pajamas on I always find myself getting a quick second wind  gearing up to soothe two kids to sleep.  Making sure everyone has their before bed drinks, clean combed hair, and cozy pajamas.  I can smell this moment.  I forgot how good baby milk breath smells, or slightly sour milk in the folds of his ever so soft neck.  

I can still hear Leavitt's quiet but desperate cry.  I can hear it in Preston and it kills me that I will blink and Preston will be a boisterous little boy clanging and banging around the house like his brother.  The sweet sob that makes me drop everything and come running.  Eventually will sound so bossy I will make him wait.  The cry will soon become for anyone that will listen, right now it is just for me. He knows his greatest wail, from his tiny body will bring his mama.  Bring the person who is anticipating that cry, who knows what he needs in that very moment.  

I forgot how a newborn magically fits so perfect on a new moms body.  How his little body just seems made to snuggle mine, like a puzzle piece is made for another.  I don't know how God knew but he made each of my babies heads the exact size of my chest, perfect for kissing noggins while snuggling.  Perfect for smelling new baby hair and skin.  These moments when I am holding or carrying him while he is so little, I just want to live in that moment forever. 

The same way I was made to love a newborn I can feel myself made to love a toddler.  I am sad one day these moments will give way to learning how I was made to love an older kiddo.  Time is such a blessing, but it can be cruel.  Pushing us along at its own pace, forcing us to evolve faster than we want.  Sometimes I don't even realize something is happening and just like that I've swaddled for the last time.  I hate not knowing when the last time will be.  Every part of me is desperate to remember these things.  To not take them for granted, because someday soon I will be so jealous of myself today.  I will want to be this person again, if just for a day, to have someone that smells like sour milk, fit so perfectly on my chest, to kiss their little head, and hear them cry out for only me.  Learning to live in this bittersweet reality is so hard.  That's the thing about having your second, you are no longer blissfully unaware of where this journey is taking you.  You know there will come a time you will rock someone to sleep for the last time, and you might not even know it will be the last time.  

Monday, October 17, 2016

Weekend Happenings

We are running out of nice weather weekends here in Maine.  I am not looking forward to having to wrangle jackets and little people so I am soaking up every last weekend we have before the frost sets in.  Saturday we found ourselves watching my nephew play his last soccer game.  It was so exciting to see him out there running around, and of course Leavitt wanted to get out there too.  After the game we went to breakfast with some of my family that were meeting Preston for the first time.  My mom, sister, cousin, aunt, and I sipped mimosas with the kids in tow.  It was nice to catch up and I'm sure the throngs of breakfast goers were happy to see us leave with four kids!  We are for sure a traveling circus when my sister and I have all the kids together now.  After breakfast we snagged some pumpkins from a farm stand,  to carve at my mom's house.  She made crock pot mac n cheese for the kids and we watched a hallmark movie.  

Sunday I got the boy up and ready for church.  We are talking missions this week.  Which again reminds me how fortunate my kids are just to live here and know the lord.  After church Nick joined us for a road trip to go leaf peeping.  He basically wanted to do anything else but lately the kids are easiest in the car and I needed easy after our busy Saturday.  With Starbucks in hand, we headed to the coast for optimal leaf scenery.  Made a pit stop at L.L. Bean for winter boots.  Drove to the top of Cadillac mountain where the wind almost blew us off the road.  Filled our bellies with yummy food at Paddy's while sitting outside taking in all the boats and tourists.  While wasn't exactly what my husband wanted to do, we had fun, and got some quality family time in with minimal toddler wrangling which is like hitting the family day out lottery.  

I can't think of a better way to spend an autumn weekend in Maine.  We are so lucky to live in such a beautiful place and experience all four seasons.  I may not be singing the same tune in a couple months when we are snowed in, so for now I soak it up!  Hope you all had a wonderful weekend! I am easing into Monday by snuggling my newly minted one month old.  

Monday, October 10, 2016

Weekend Wrap up

Weekends tend to be a little unpredictable these days.  This weekend was the perfect blend of randomness that I needed.  Saturday we were supposed to go to Walmart to do a little family shopping.  I know, I know.  I am cheating on my first love, Target.  Who would have guessed that Target the mother of all mom stores, would stop carrying my favorite on the go formula packs?  They really let me down on that one.  So once a week I brave Walmart and pray I don't get so desperate that I buy a Dunkin' Donuts coffee that will no doubt rot my snobby Starbucks loving insides.  Clearly I am not the only high maintenance consumer in my house because seconds after putting my mom rig in park my husband looked at me and said "do we have to?".  Now for all of you married folks you know that is just another way of saying that he'd rather die or pay his taxes than enter Walmart on a Saturday.  I shot him the best you-have-to-be-kidding wife stare.  To which he countered "lets go to Margarita's for lunch".  Who needs formula and toilet paper, when you can have tequila, chips and salsa for lunch? No one.

Sunday we normally head to church while my husband sleeps in.  But it was raining and I needed a morning to not get three people ready and out the door.  So Leavitt and I strapped our aprons on and made pumpkin chocolate chip muffins while Preston watched.  I asked my mom to brave Walmart with me, but we ended up at two other big box stores and I still didn't get the list totally checked off.  We grabbed drinks at Starbucks and were planning to take the long way home when she asked if I wanted to go to Margarita's.  Why yes, yes I do.

After hitting up our favorite spot for the second time in one weekend, we drove to the pumpkin patch to get some pumpkins for the porch.  I spray painted them with gold, silver, and rose gold paint.  I would carve them but mixing toddlers and sharp objects isn't my thing.  I am obsessed with how they came out, and now want to spray paint everything.  I put a few on the mantle in the living room, and am still loving my acorn garland from last year.  I will probably buy even more small pumpkins to paint until I have no where left to stash them.

While I tend to function better when there is a plan, it felt good to throw the plan to the wind while we let the weekend take us where it wanted.  My structure loving self welcomed Monday with open arms for a change and the beds were still warm when I made them. Order restored.  Hope you all had a good weekend, and are loving your fall as much as we are!

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Dear Preston

Dear Preston, 

I want to write to you so that it is never lost in my mind, or in time how special these last few weeks have been since you joined our family.  I worried so much about adding to our family.  Your brother is really special to us, and like all parents we wondered how we could love another baby the same way.  The truth is we won't.  The love is equal, but different.  Your brother made me a mom, but you Preston, completed me.  You are so, so special to me.  You have brought joy and love to my life beyond measure and I will always have a special place in my heart for you as the baby.  I will relate to you on being the baby of the family because I am too.  You're going to get hand me downs, something your brother knows nothing about.  You will see things happen for your brother before they happen for you and it will be frustrating at times.   But you're getting a better version of me.  Don't tell your brother but I tested out the parenting thing on him first so if we screw anyone up it will be him.  I'm kidding of course... well sort of.

I am fiercely protective of you, and hate to put you down or let others hold you.  Literally the whole world has a cold right now, and I am trying so hard to protect you from it.  I also know how fast this is going to go.  I am going to blink and you will be walking, talking, and taking off on me.  You'll bond with others and I won't be the only one you want.  So for now I am greedy and don't share you.  We spend all of our free time while Leavitt is in school snuggling.  Someday we will need a break from each other, you will want friends, and I will need a manicure.  For now though, you are my little sidekick and we are having the best time.  You hardly ever cry, and are pretty easy on me at night.  You wake to eat, and snuggle then you let me get back to my rest.  You are easy going on the go, and don't give me any hassles about shopping trips and Starbucks drive through runs.  You're best friend material for sure. 

Big life moments have a way of bringing profound new perspectives.  Your birth is no different.  I think about your first few weeks and I am so grateful.  You have been to church, your doctors office, family houses and businesses, and your new home.  I know it seems silly, this is just life.  But as you get older I hope you realize how blessed you are to know the lord in your first week of life.  That you are able to not only see a doctor but get a clean bill of health.  That you have a good family that love you and will be great examples of what it means to work hard.  That we have a home, where you are warm, safe, and have your own space to grow.  I am so happy for you that these basic things are yours and will take you far in life.  

I hope you always know that I am proud of you.  I love you so much and pray everyday for you.  I thank God that you are mine and you for making us better.   Welcome to the family circus buddy, you're in for one heck of a ride! XXOO