Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Wanted: Mom Squad

The overuse of #squadgoals on every social media platform ever has me evaluating my mom squad goals.  I consider myself a nice blend of high maintenance and being down to earth.  So I figured I would put together the ultimate list of attributes for the perfect mom posse.  

You must be fluent in sarcasm.  My love language. 

Humor.  I once read that Victor Borge said "laughter is the shortest distance between two people".  I have also heard that laughter is the best medicine.  I don't take myself seriously at all.  There is no bigger buzz kill than someone who just can't let something go, or laugh off the nonsense that comes with parenting small children.  

Thou shalt not compete.  There are no trophies in the mom game so settle your pretty self down.  

Balance.  Sometimes we eat organic fruit and eggs for breakfast and happy meals for lunch.  Shit happens. 

No judging.  I have exactly enough brain power to keep my kids safe and fed.  I don't have time to judge you so don't wag your imaginary finger at me sister.

Coffee.  If I have to elaborate on this you live with a nanny and I'm judging you... OK I'm not judging, I'm jealous.

Adulting.  If you don't get your adult on every now and then you're not doing anyone any favors.  Get a sitter, get dressed, get to know your mom friends without the distractions.  I promise a night out with your friends will energize you for the next day on the mom job.  My husband spends all day with adults, I need that too, or our conversations start to take a weird turn somewhere between what he ate for lunch and who refuses to poop on the potty.  Not so sexy.  

Show up.  I had two major life changes last year.  My Dad died and I had a baby.  Immediately after each event I had some of the most giving hearts at my door.  Weather they brought food or coffee, or came by to sit and talk me through these moments I couldn't have handled either change with half the grace without them.  Tough times are made easier with a little community to love you through it.  

Must love wine.  Vodka works too. Or tequila, scotch, whiskey... whatever does the trick.  God forbid you order a bud light though, I have a couple friends who won't let me live that mistake down.  I have another friend who showed up at the hospital with wine to celebrate.  Yes, I drank at the hospital, and it was glorious.  

Must consider chips and guac an actual meal.

Preferably loves Target, Baby Gap, and TJ Maxx.

Understands my love of dark dry shampoo, and isn't grossed out that I wash my hair like once a week.

There you have it,  all the qualities you need to assemble the perfect mom squad!


  1. I love this! I wrote a similar post last summer.

  2. Also, I could totally be a part of your squad. And I LOVE Bud Light! Lol!

  3. Can I join? I love sarcasm, wine and messy buns. :)