Saturday, June 21, 2014

The hard stuff

I always regret it.  The moment I hand you off to your Grammy, my Mom. Why did I say I would work again? I know it is good for you to learn to depend on and trust someone other than myself to care for you. But that doesnt mean I like it.  I also need to remind myself that if I had to I could contribute and help your Dad out or God forbid support you and I... It would suck but I could do it and I would without hesitation.  It feels good for a few hours to have my brain sharp, be around professionals, and miss you.  I get little text updates about what you're doing and when you wake up.  I for a second hope you aren't wondering where I am when you open your eyes, but then I kind of hope you are.

The first night your Grammy took you because I had to return to work you were only 8 weeks old.  I cried and cried your Dad told me to call work and tell them I would never be coming back.  I would never abandon my job, or you.  I kind of laughed at your Dad and was like "what am I going to do homeschool him because I can not stand to have him away from me?" he said "well no because then he won't play hockey".... typical.

I know now what my Mother went through when I was a teenager.  "call when you get there" I would forget and she would be pissed.  A simple request, call or text when you get there... failure to do so always resulted in at least a scolding sometimes I would even get the "do you know what I think when you don't call?!" "I worry about you" "you could have gotten into an accident".  I am now the one asking for a text or call when you get there.  This weekend she forgot so I called her 15 minutes after you should have been there... No answer.  I immediately called your Aunt who answered and was probably rolling her eyes when I was interogating her about where you were and when you got there... turns out they were getting you to bed... wait that's my favorite thing to do... commence all night pity party for myself.

Now I would never let you go anywhere with anyone I didnt trust or have the upmost confidence in.  I learned how to be a Mom from the example I was given as a child.  Your Grammy and I do things similar or the same.  She knows all the tiny little habits we have that make you happy.  She has helped me with baths and bedtime at our home.  It makes me feel good knowing that things are being done the way that I would do them, the way you like.  I appreciate that she cares for you the way that I do.  Bonus: after your morning nap she brings you home and helps with housework so when I get home all I have to do is enjoy you.

I don't have a lot of help with you. This little staycation you are having will last all of 17 hours, I will go from the hostpital straight to you. This only happens about once a month now.  I take you to the gym, to run all our errands and go longer in between my mani/pedi ritual than I would like. My entire existence is wrapped up in your every need and the needs of our family, and what a wonderful existence that is.  I do not get breaks from "my work".  You and your Dad are a full time all the time job, your happiness is rewarding.  I take pride in knowing that you would not be nearly as good natured or happy if you were not as pampered as you are.

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