Friday, June 13, 2014

Dearest Leavitt

My Dearest Leavitt,
You are less than a week old.  Right now you are swaddled in warm blankets, the sound of you breathing is the best music I have ever heard.  I am writing to you tonight because I want you to know how the past few days have moved me.  I want you to know that the day you were born was the hardest and happiest day of my life.

You woke me up at 3am with a few kicks and cramps, I knew we would soon meet.  I was so scared I decided not to tell your Dad and go lay on the couch, praying and talking to you.  Something you will learn about your mama is that I prefer to take the world on by myself, in a crisis I do best solo... this is a trait I hope you possess, I want you to feel confident to take anything on by yourself, I also hope you know you can ask for help whenever you need it.  Your dad woke up and I explained to him that I knew you were on your way but sent him to work and would call him when I was ready to go to the hospital.  Looking back I know I was clinging to the last moments of having you all to myself, after all I was ready for you I had been with you for 10 months, I wasn't sure I was ready to share you with the world.  The day became constant clock watching, contraction counting and phone calls from everyone who also already loved you.  At 3:30pm your dad drove me to the hospital, the same hospital I work at.  I have driven that drive countless times but this time is was different I wasn't leaving there without you.  I knew your dad was nervous, and so was I so I did my best not to let him see me cry as we pulled up in front of the hospital.  Your Grammy Cindy met me there and off we went, my nerves were as intense as the pain.  Your dad watched the Bruins (they lost), your Aunt and Grammy used their phones, chatted and tried to keep me company while we waited.  At 9:00pm the Dr came in and said in 15 minutes we would be ready to go. At 9:44pm you took your first breath.

The cord had been wrapped around your neck and you appeared to be in distress as you made your way into the world, I could tell my Dr, nurse, your Grammy and aunt were very worried about you so I asked what was wrong, Dr. Aloupis said that you were fine and then I saw him cut your cord you cried and I was holding you.  I was so elated, you looked like a perfect little angel.  Grammy put you in your Dad's arms and he had tears of joy.  After a while your other Grandparents made there way in to visit with you.  Everyone kept asking me if I was tired but all I felt was peace.  A strange calmness overcame me and we were family.

I want you to know that the hardest day of your life could be the happiest.  When you think you can't do something, or are so nervous to do something you could be on the verge of your greatest moment.  You are the greatest moment of my everyday.

All My Love,

(This letter was handwritten new years eve 2013, our son was born 12-28-2013)

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