Fourth of July

Anyone that knows me, knows that I love the holidays.  Leavitt was born at the very end of last year so I opted to do holiday cards in lieu of traditional newborn, 3, 6, 9, 12 month pictures.  I hope people have enjoyed receiving them as much as I have loved doing them... however tiny prints did not have any Happy 4th of July cards so I am going to have to be creative, and late on these ones! I did however find time to round up an adorable Ralph Lauren (my man & baby favorite) and the "born in the USA" Freshly Picked mocs... I am obsessed with his outfit today.

The Fourth of July is a big deal to Nick.  It is a time when his family gathers together at camp, consume lobster and socialize with each other.  Growing up my fondest memories of the Fourth involved my whole family in Eastport, hanging out at my Uncle Basil's campground, watching fireworks and making our way downtown.  Last year we decided every other year would be camp and Eastport... and yet back to camp we go.  That actually is how Nick negotiates... I give him his way first and he leaves me with a promise... and yet the following year there is a reason he cant or wont follow through on this.  I don't mind this quirk he has, in fact I have grown to find these things endearing, comical and most importantly, predictable. Which plays up my quirk, the constant need for a plan.  I am always asking "whats the plan?" "have they got a plan yet?" I am only getting worse now that I have a baby.  I have this inner need to be able to predict what will happen next, be prepared and throw a little of my own flair into the day.... carve out that time to do something special with my babe.  Early on when we would do things our families it seemed I left get togethers with a sigh of relief.  I realized I wasn't getting that one-on-one time with Leavitt that I am so used to, other people holding him constantly left me feeling empty in the group and dying to get out of there.  Now I know what to expect.  So Leavitt and I cuddle a little more in the mornings, read a little more at night and sneak glances at each other while other people love on him.  I love how much others love him, and I hope he feels the love others have for him.

Our day today started slow.  Leavitt and I woke up first. I made a bottle and a cup of coffee then we snuggled up on the couch hiding under a blanket from the cold damp morning mist off the lake.  Normally I try to get a little more rest but today I know I won't get much momma time. One by one others are summonsed from their beds by the giggles and coos of the babe.  His Aunt Whittney reads him a story and his Nana gave him pot lids to play with.  Once our morning rituals are over he enjoyed a nap in his pram in the shade by the lake.  As the rest of the family started to trickle in we sat in a circle  eating and catching up.. but mostly talking about how big and cute Leavitt has gotten.

Leavitt has a new cousin (Nick's cousin Michael's baby girl Ali).  I love seeing a new baby it reminds me of those days when I moved from our bed to the big chair in our living room and changed only into clean pajamas.  Snuggling was my pastime and bottles and diapers were all of my chores.  During blizzards I drank coffee and never left the house.  I loved those days.  I love these ones too.  It was nice to have another "baby family" in the mix for a change.

Although today was busy, our schedule out of whack and the humidity giving me a bad hair day, I am glad we spent today at camp.  I love when Nick shares his traditions with Leavitt and I.  I enjoy seeing the Aunts, Grandparents, Great Grandparents and the rest of their family.  I especially enjoy watching them with Leavitt and I am getting better at finding those Mama moments.  What a blessing it is for them to be able to have each other all in one place.  I will always think of Eastport when I think of the Fourth but I am embracing the changing of the tides happening in our lives.  I saw how much work prior to today and all morning went into making today happen and it was certainly a labor of love.  I hope Nick & Leavitt were able to bank a few extra special memories.  I am always happy to get home, launch us back into our routine... and get some sleep.

1/51 is everything.

My Baby Leavitt,
Happy half year birthday!!! We have spent half a year together, which turns out to be 1/51of my lifetime and all of yours.   I say that because I lived before you were mine.  I learned things, went places, formed relationships with others and broke them.   I never truly felt as alive in all that time as I do now.  They say a baby learns more in the first year of life than during any other time and I feel the pressure to make sure you are learning from me.  What amazes me is how much I am learning from you.  Life and love never seemed so precious or plenty in my life until you.  Your presence is profound.

Today will come and go without much if any recognition from you that today was special.  I hope we laughed a little louder, hugged a little longer and spent time doing the things you love most.  Right now you like books, your bouncer, Ferarri walker, a blanket when you sleep, kisses on your belly and a nice bath before bed.  A typical day for us starts when you're ready, anywhere between 4:30am and 6:00, you have a bottle in our bed and I let you harass your Dad until he wakes up (he has been getting to work on time more often thanks to you). We go downstairs I make a cup of coffee while you talk to the toys on your bouncer, I watch a little news and your Dad kisses us goodbye.  You take a morning nap between 9:00 & 10:00 and I get ready, make the beds and prepare us for the rest of the day.  We frequent Target, the grocery store & Starbucks... usually dropping your Dad, Grampy & Aunt off coffee.  Occasionally your Grammy Cindy & Aunt Rachel come over on their lunch break.  We listen to piano music when we are home alone (your interest in the TV has me hyper vigilant of your screen time although I do watch it from time to time while you are playing), We play some more until 5:00pm every night we start to wind down.  We read your favorite stories ("steam train dream train", "wherever you are my love will find you", "on the night you were born" & "Moose of course"), you take a bath, you get your little baby massage, put on your pjs and have your last bottle of the day.  At 7:00 I walk you up to bed, turn on the sleep sheep, put a blanket next to your cheek how you like and kiss your head.  For the most part you go right to sleep.  This routine is sacred to me.  Leavitt, you have no idea how you spoil me, I pray you never figure it out and use it against me.  You are the easiest baby.  I have traveled with you to Florida, Portland several times, Pembroke and Boston.  You love your little routine but are happy to go with the flow.  I hope you're demeanor wears off on me.  I could only wish to be as patient, kind, adaptable and funny as you are.

Two weeks ago you toppled over while playing with your toys, you were tired so you started to cry.  I scooped you up into my arms and you cried "mumma"... We were nose to nose you were holding my face. I held you so tight with absolute pride. It was so touching that you wanted me when you were sad. You said it with such clarity and certainty that I was lucky to have not melted into a puddle right there in the living room or started crying myself.

I feel beyond blessed to have been chosen as your Mommy.  These last 6 months are now my whole life.

XO
Mumma

**The photo of my precious babe was taken by Danielle Brady from Danielle Brady Photogtaphy. We had generation and family photos done last Sunday to mark Nick's first Father's day and Leavitt starting a new generation.  It was a beautiful day in Pembroke... More on that when the photos are back! 

Dearest Leavitt

My Dearest Leavitt,
You are less than a week old.  Right now you are swaddled in warm blankets, the sound of you breathing is the best music I have ever heard.  I am writing to you tonight because I want you to know how the past few days have moved me.  I want you to know that the day you were born was the hardest and happiest day of my life.

You woke me up at 3am with a few kicks and cramps, I knew we would soon meet.  I was so scared I decided not to tell your Dad and go lay on the couch, praying and talking to you.  Something you will learn about your mama is that I prefer to take the world on by myself, in a crisis I do best solo... this is a trait I hope you possess, I want you to feel confident to take anything on by yourself, I also hope you know you can ask for help whenever you need it.  Your dad woke up and I explained to him that I knew you were on your way but sent him to work and would call him when I was ready to go to the hospital.  Looking back I know I was clinging to the last moments of having you all to myself, after all I was ready for you I had been with you for 10 months, I wasn't sure I was ready to share you with the world.  The day became constant clock watching, contraction counting and phone calls from everyone who also already loved you.  At 3:30pm your dad drove me to the hospital, the same hospital I work at.  I have driven that drive countless times but this time is was different I wasn't leaving there without you.  I knew your dad was nervous, and so was I so I did my best not to let him see me cry as we pulled up in front of the hospital.  Your Grammy Cindy met me there and off we went, my nerves were as intense as the pain.  Your dad watched the Bruins (they lost), your Aunt and Grammy used their phones, chatted and tried to keep me company while we waited.  At 9:00pm the Dr came in and said in 15 minutes we would be ready to go. At 9:44pm you took your first breath.

The cord had been wrapped around your neck and you appeared to be in distress as you made your way into the world, I could tell my Dr, nurse, your Grammy and aunt were very worried about you so I asked what was wrong, Dr. Aloupis said that you were fine and then I saw him cut your cord you cried and I was holding you.  I was so elated, you looked like a perfect little angel.  Grammy put you in your Dad's arms and he had tears of joy.  After a while your other Grandparents made there way in to visit with you.  Everyone kept asking me if I was tired but all I felt was peace.  A strange calmness overcame me and we were family.

I want you to know that the hardest day of your life could be the happiest.  When you think you can't do something, or are so nervous to do something you could be on the verge of your greatest moment.  You are the greatest moment of my everyday.

All My Love,
Mommy

(This letter was handwritten new years eve 2013, our son was born 12-28-2013)