The Berry wedding

I am dizzy.  I feel like I have been spinning for the last week.  My sister got married on Friday, like any big event or holiday we look forward to for so long it comes and goes like a tidal wave.  The last week hit me quick and I am just now feeling the calm again and ready to reflect a little.

I spent the beginning of last week like most weeks except in between sweet pictures of my baby being sent were texts from my mom and sister "what are you wearing for the rehearsal dinner" "what shoes should I wear" "I am so excited" "what time is hair" "what time is dinner" "I really don't want to see them.... ugh fine I will suck it up" now I wont spill the juicy on who sent that last text or who they were talking about just know this is not our usual day to day chatter.

Thursday came and it was rehearsal dinner time.  We all met at Thistle a quaint little restaurant downtown.  My child, normally a saint on a schedule was pissed.  Not just kinda mad I mean inconsolable WTF get me out of here mad.  I felt horrible.  We love our routine.  At 6:00pm we like to take a bath, not have dinner in fancy restaurants with large groups of people.  OK maybe Nick and I enjoy dinner at fancy restaurants but Leavitt eats the same thing no matter where he is and clearly formula is best consumed at home.  Point noted.  We sweat our way through the first three courses, taking turns trying to sooth him, and each other.  We finally threw in the towel before dessert and took off early.  The waitress clearly felt for us and sent cheesecake home, which we enjoyed in our pjs on our bed while our child mocked us and refused to fall asleep... such is life.  Dinner was delicious and the company even better... I was only sorry we were so preoccupied with Leavitt we didn't socialize or soak up how special the night was.

The big day came.  I had originally planned to spend the night with Rachel and Mom with Leavitt at the hotel and hang with them all day.  I decided to hang low with Leavitt at home until it was hair time.  I wanted him to enjoy his day, I also wanted to enjoy myself.  After our hair Rachel and I got Starbucks and listened to music Rachel chose "to pump her up".  I asked her if she was nervous or super pumped and her response was "super pumped" insert fist pumping bride in my car.  I haven't been apart of too many weddings but I feel safe in saying that she was as eager as any bride could be.  I did my sister and Mom's make up we all finished getting ready and I was off to meet Nick in the lobby.  The majority of our family was waiting with him for the ceremony to start.

Russell ran down the aisle with a sign that said "daddy here comes mommy" in a little suit that made him look like a tiny man.  We were all so enchanted with Russell being held by his daddy the groom we did not notice the doors open until Russ hollered "Mama!!!" and pointed at the Bride.  What a perfect moment.  Their ceremony was personal and genuine.  The only fumble was when Russell ran full tilt into a wall in classic toddler fashion.  I loved how personal their ceremony felt, and was surprised it got me a little emotional.  I expected their wedding would confirm formally how I already see them as a family and committed couple in their everyday life... I did not expect it to get me a little misty.  I admire how much they love each other.  You could tell they were excited to see each other when she walked down the aisle.

At the reception I got several phone calls from my Dad who was sadly unable to attend due to his health.   The phone calls made me sad not just because he wasn't there but because I could tell how much not being there bothered him.  However my sweet nephew has some very strong traits of my Dad's especially on the dance floor.  We all enjoyed his moves and took turns being dragged out there by him.  I found my rhythm with several Bob Segar songs and made my man spin me around the dance floor to a classic love song.  Today I spotted a picture of my little fam on Nick's facebook and saw Rachel Berry liked it... who the heck is Rachel Berry? Oh yeah she's MARRIED!!

Fourth of July

Anyone that knows me, knows that I love the holidays.  Leavitt was born at the very end of last year so I opted to do holiday cards in lieu of traditional newborn, 3, 6, 9, 12 month pictures.  I hope people have enjoyed receiving them as much as I have loved doing them... however tiny prints did not have any Happy 4th of July cards so I am going to have to be creative, and late on these ones! I did however find time to round up an adorable Ralph Lauren (my man & baby favorite) and the "born in the USA" Freshly Picked mocs... I am obsessed with his outfit today.

The Fourth of July is a big deal to Nick.  It is a time when his family gathers together at camp, consume lobster and socialize with each other.  Growing up my fondest memories of the Fourth involved my whole family in Eastport, hanging out at my Uncle Basil's campground, watching fireworks and making our way downtown.  Last year we decided every other year would be camp and Eastport... and yet back to camp we go.  That actually is how Nick negotiates... I give him his way first and he leaves me with a promise... and yet the following year there is a reason he cant or wont follow through on this.  I don't mind this quirk he has, in fact I have grown to find these things endearing, comical and most importantly, predictable. Which plays up my quirk, the constant need for a plan.  I am always asking "whats the plan?" "have they got a plan yet?" I am only getting worse now that I have a baby.  I have this inner need to be able to predict what will happen next, be prepared and throw a little of my own flair into the day.... carve out that time to do something special with my babe.  Early on when we would do things our families it seemed I left get togethers with a sigh of relief.  I realized I wasn't getting that one-on-one time with Leavitt that I am so used to, other people holding him constantly left me feeling empty in the group and dying to get out of there.  Now I know what to expect.  So Leavitt and I cuddle a little more in the mornings, read a little more at night and sneak glances at each other while other people love on him.  I love how much others love him, and I hope he feels the love others have for him.

Our day today started slow.  Leavitt and I woke up first. I made a bottle and a cup of coffee then we snuggled up on the couch hiding under a blanket from the cold damp morning mist off the lake.  Normally I try to get a little more rest but today I know I won't get much momma time. One by one others are summonsed from their beds by the giggles and coos of the babe.  His Aunt Whittney reads him a story and his Nana gave him pot lids to play with.  Once our morning rituals are over he enjoyed a nap in his pram in the shade by the lake.  As the rest of the family started to trickle in we sat in a circle  eating and catching up.. but mostly talking about how big and cute Leavitt has gotten.

Leavitt has a new cousin (Nick's cousin Michael's baby girl Ali).  I love seeing a new baby it reminds me of those days when I moved from our bed to the big chair in our living room and changed only into clean pajamas.  Snuggling was my pastime and bottles and diapers were all of my chores.  During blizzards I drank coffee and never left the house.  I loved those days.  I love these ones too.  It was nice to have another "baby family" in the mix for a change.

Although today was busy, our schedule out of whack and the humidity giving me a bad hair day, I am glad we spent today at camp.  I love when Nick shares his traditions with Leavitt and I.  I enjoy seeing the Aunts, Grandparents, Great Grandparents and the rest of their family.  I especially enjoy watching them with Leavitt and I am getting better at finding those Mama moments.  What a blessing it is for them to be able to have each other all in one place.  I will always think of Eastport when I think of the Fourth but I am embracing the changing of the tides happening in our lives.  I saw how much work prior to today and all morning went into making today happen and it was certainly a labor of love.  I hope Nick & Leavitt were able to bank a few extra special memories.  I am always happy to get home, launch us back into our routine... and get some sleep.

1/51 is everything.

My Baby Leavitt,
Happy half year birthday!!! We have spent half a year together, which turns out to be 1/51of my lifetime and all of yours.   I say that because I lived before you were mine.  I learned things, went places, formed relationships with others and broke them.   I never truly felt as alive in all that time as I do now.  They say a baby learns more in the first year of life than during any other time and I feel the pressure to make sure you are learning from me.  What amazes me is how much I am learning from you.  Life and love never seemed so precious or plenty in my life until you.  Your presence is profound.

Today will come and go without much if any recognition from you that today was special.  I hope we laughed a little louder, hugged a little longer and spent time doing the things you love most.  Right now you like books, your bouncer, Ferarri walker, a blanket when you sleep, kisses on your belly and a nice bath before bed.  A typical day for us starts when you're ready, anywhere between 4:30am and 6:00, you have a bottle in our bed and I let you harass your Dad until he wakes up (he has been getting to work on time more often thanks to you). We go downstairs I make a cup of coffee while you talk to the toys on your bouncer, I watch a little news and your Dad kisses us goodbye.  You take a morning nap between 9:00 & 10:00 and I get ready, make the beds and prepare us for the rest of the day.  We frequent Target, the grocery store & Starbucks... usually dropping your Dad, Grampy & Aunt off coffee.  Occasionally your Grammy Cindy & Aunt Rachel come over on their lunch break.  We listen to piano music when we are home alone (your interest in the TV has me hyper vigilant of your screen time although I do watch it from time to time while you are playing), We play some more until 5:00pm every night we start to wind down.  We read your favorite stories ("steam train dream train", "wherever you are my love will find you", "on the night you were born" & "Moose of course"), you take a bath, you get your little baby massage, put on your pjs and have your last bottle of the day.  At 7:00 I walk you up to bed, turn on the sleep sheep, put a blanket next to your cheek how you like and kiss your head.  For the most part you go right to sleep.  This routine is sacred to me.  Leavitt, you have no idea how you spoil me, I pray you never figure it out and use it against me.  You are the easiest baby.  I have traveled with you to Florida, Portland several times, Pembroke and Boston.  You love your little routine but are happy to go with the flow.  I hope you're demeanor wears off on me.  I could only wish to be as patient, kind, adaptable and funny as you are.

Two weeks ago you toppled over while playing with your toys, you were tired so you started to cry.  I scooped you up into my arms and you cried "mumma"... We were nose to nose you were holding my face. I held you so tight with absolute pride. It was so touching that you wanted me when you were sad. You said it with such clarity and certainty that I was lucky to have not melted into a puddle right there in the living room or started crying myself.

I feel beyond blessed to have been chosen as your Mommy.  These last 6 months are now my whole life.

XO
Mumma

**The photo of my precious babe was taken by Danielle Brady from Danielle Brady Photogtaphy. We had generation and family photos done last Sunday to mark Nick's first Father's day and Leavitt starting a new generation.  It was a beautiful day in Pembroke... More on that when the photos are back! 

Confessions of an accidental mom

I am going to start with a disclaimer because I know Mommyhood is a topic some get stuffy about and judgey judgey over so here it is: I am a loving mother with a sense of humor.  I live the truth of my own situation and in no way claim to have it all together.  What I will say is that my son is loved and well taken care of, he is happy and truly a light in this world.  I say most things with a lot of humor and a hint of truth. Please do not take me too seriously because I mean nothing but love when I express myself especially as a momma. 

I call myself an "accidental mom" because I not only was shocked to find out I was pregnant, but I also never saw myself as maternal.  I found it hard to be friends with people that talked about wanting babies, trying to have babies, planning babies.  They were exhausting to me.  I smiled went to every baby shower I was invited to, threw my sister a baby shower in the sweltering heat and gladly bought items on their registries.  I had only one hope... there would be wine at the shower.  I fell into this wonderful role of mommy on accident and yet here we are happier than ever... this is the stuff Walt Disney is made of.  I hope through my honesty and humor you realize I not only feel blessed, I know I am.  I love my life and little family the way Scrooge mcduck likes his money, they are my happy place.

To the well meaning morons that bought me birthing books, pushed me to breastfeed, asked if I read the books you got me, told me "it will all be worth it in the end": I did not read your books, I never tried to breastfeed and it certainly was worth it but I would have been ok with one of those easy breezy "I love being pregnant" pregnancies and have loved my baby just the same.  I did however read Jenny McCarthy's book "belly laughs" and was so comforted by someone Else's down to earth take on, farting, getting fat, snoring, loss of bladder control and all the things that are mortifying and no one talks about.... that's right girls it was all worth it in the end (insert eye roll).

I had the fortune and misfortune of designing and building a home, finding out I was pregnant and raising a naughty and so cute puppy all within the same week.  To be able to build a home to grow in gave me to ability to not only imagine what his childhood would look like but create the backdrop for which his memories will be made.  My lack of energy sometimes hindered my creativity and our home resembles my own childhood home.  Lots of good stuff going on I only wish I had been able to enjoy the process of each more... oh well life is good anyways.

I lucked out.  Never had a sleepless night.  My almost 6 month old has never cried all night from colic.  The true maternal instincts were enough, I did not need a book.  After all I do have my own mom and by god I have asked her every question out there.  I never got painful itchy stretch marks and I have yet to have a postpartum break down.... Nick I think you're in the clear.

 My child has been compared to a Buddha.  He's handsome, smiley, interactive and so peaceful.  I have to assume he knows we are doing the best we can and it shows in his contentment with us.  Staying home I take the brunt of the responsibility and would take it personally if my son were to be unhappy.  Strangers stop us all the time to sneak a peak and tell me what a happy boy he is... sure they say that to most moms but I smile and say "he has nothing to be sad about" which although its true is probably as annoying as the complete strangers asking me about breastfeeding.... oye.

So I am sure it seems as though I am now a judgey judgey mom and I am not.  If you read every book, breastfed for a year or 2 days, loved being pregnant or hated it and really felt it would be worth it in the end.... BRAVO! I hope your baby is as funny and happy as mine... I am sure you love yours the way I do mine.  But please stop asking me about it, I will be forced to tell you how easy it  has been for me and that I prepared a great nursery and he has a darling wardrobe, that is how I welcomed him... fashionable and cozy.  And we all know you uptight mommies hate when someone goes against the grain.  I hope my son has the courage to form his own opinions and follow his instincts the way I have navigated being a mother I hope he navigates through life.  With a sense of self, a sense of humor and the confidence to fly by the seat of your pants every now and then.