Month Nine

Leavitt William,
We have spent another month together but this time it feels like three... I am exhausted.  This has been the hardest month for us we have battled sickness, sleeplessness, crankiness and you're now a stair climber.  I have had to start telling you no.  No you cant have everything you want, no you don't have a choice about getting in your car seat, no you cant sleep with us every night, no you can't climb the stairs and no you cant shower with me.  For all of my Mommy endurance I am exhausted.  Your new opinions and will came at a time when you got sick, then I got sick and I didn't always have the energy or the heart to be steadfast in my convictions. We made it through though, fit in some fun stuff, and I have watched you change into a little spitfire.  I both love and fear that fire inside of you.  You know what you want.  You know who you like.  Your favorite people are now obvious to me.  You are not going to go through life unheard that is clear.

The abundance of love in your life is obvious, and hilarious at the same time.  You are so used to the attention being all on you that when a stranger passes by without any notice of you, you are quick to yell out to them.  This "look at me" attitude is precious.  I enjoy you.  I really like the personality you are developing.  When your cousin Russell takes a toy from you you let him have it... because you love him.  Although you are more demanding and outspoken you are still a sensitive soul.  Your love for your "mama" and "dada" is the best.  You light up when your  Grammy comes over and have a special twinkle in your eye for Aunt Rachel and Cousin Russell.  You recognize your Grampy Rick's baby voice even when you can't see him.  Your Nana is the silly one and she always wants to try new things with you.  You got to see your Great Grandparents again in Pembroke, you liked riding around in the wagon and you hang on Grampy Bill's every word.  You snuck in a snuggle session with your Nanny Brenda and were blowing raspberries and sticking your tongue out with her.  Truly your attention and love gets soaked up at home the most though.  You love when your Dad comes home from work and you prefer to fall asleep with your Mama.  You really don't let me out of your sight and like your home more than being out and about.  I struggle with really needing a break and not wanting to share my responsibilities with anyone else.  I want to be there for everything and tend to pass on help or decide not to ask.  I have a hard time getting anything done anymore with you being so active.  We make it work though and I am learning to go with your flow... I'm trying.

It hasn't all been a struggle you are still a sweetheart.  We still have plenty of fun and occasionally you give me a quick moment to myself to shower get laundry done and sneak an extra cup of coffee.  We make each other laugh and you get what I say.  You are still difficult to change your clothes and diapers, you still wont eat unless you're hungry so a feeding schedule is more of a baseline than a rule.  You love the pumpkins on the porch and have a mischievous smile when you know you've been caught doing something naughty.  I love the little man you are becoming and I hope you can feel the love I have for you and the effort I am making to make your life wonderful.  Happy nine months precious boy you are everything to us and we love watching you grow.

XO
Mama

Happy Birthday Mom

Mom,

I was going to write down all the reasons I appreciate you on your birthday.  But as I got looking through all the photos it really made me realize how much fun we have and I wanted to share my favorites...

So I hope you had a good Birthday, Leavitt and I had fun in Portland with you.    Thank you for sharing your love of fine china and champagne with me.  Thank you for being as strong as you are beautiful and as hardworking as you are fun.  Thank you for making time for us even though you are so busy. Leavitt is so lucky you're his Grammy and we both love you very much.  We also can't wait for our shopping trip in November!!!

Xo

Samantha & Leavitt 

Month Eight

Month eight.... I don't even know how it is possible we are here so soon.  I feel like there is so much I have been meaning to do that just hasnt made the cut this summer.  We haven't been able to go do anything as a family,  I hope Nick hasn't felt left out while Leavitt and I adventure together.

My sweet little LW,

You're eight months old and my very best friend.  We have been enjoying our summer going here and there, making memories, and laughing at the little things.  You can wave and say "hiiiii", you like to high five, you are more vocal and gab your way through the day.  You go to bed between 7-8 but you cry for the first 5 minutes which kills me.  You really like cheesy potato pouches, fruit and juice but you hate ice cream.  You crawl so fast and can pull yourself to standing on the couch, tables, Grampy's computer on his desk... really anywhere you get the urge up you go.  Lately I have noticed you show off for family and friends by blowing raspberries and waving "Hiiii" to them over and over again.  You are not like that at home just with us or out in public when strangers give you attention its only for people you already know but do not see all the time.  Its so precious and I love it.  You are a baby ninja when I am changing your diaper and you are always a little mad when you have to get into a car seat.

In the past month we've gone back to Pembroke for the horse races.  You got to watch your Great Grampy Bill win a couple races.

We went to Fort Fairfield so you could meet your great aunts and uncles and your great grandmother.  Your Grampy Fred came and stayed with us for a week from Florida.

We went to Bar Harbor and you put your feet in the Atlantic ocean for the first time.

I hope you have enjoyed your first summer as much as I have enjoyed spending it with you.  You have a fun filled fall ahead of you and I am so excited to share my favorite season with my favorite person.  You're growing up so fast, and I am so proud of how strong, good natured and smart you are.  I don't want to hold you back but as you gain more independence I only hope that when I try to snuggle a little longer or hold you while you sleep, kiss your little face a dozen times and lay down for naps with you that you still let me.  I am not ready to let go of my precious little infant baby even if you are getting bigger, stronger, faster everyday.

I love you precious little man I can't wait to see what the next month brings, just try to take it easy on Mama when you get up on those little feet one day and take off on me.

XX
Always,
Mama

Month Seven

I now find myself with a curious crawling, sitting, pulling himself up child.  Gone are the days of letting him sit with a toy in the living room while I multitask my way through the day cleaning, organizing and busying myself while he self entertains.  I find myself on the floor escaping only to make a bottle, occasionally I run to the bathroom door wide open while I yell "hang on baby I am coming" when I rush out he is several feet from where he started red faced and traumatized like "how could you?!".  Yes, how dare I pee alone?  Now before it sounds like I am complaining I love he notices my absence and I love how he demands 100% of me because he deserves it and I strive to give it to him, but like everyone else I get a little hung up on my to do list.  The other day he was sitting on the floor when all of a sudden he put his palms on the rug and stood on his heels bum in the air... he had no idea where he wanted to go from there so back on his booty he went.... one of these days he will push off those palms and take off on me.

The busy of my life has made me miss the newborn days.  The excitement of being on the downhill to his first Christmas and birthday have me dreaming of colder weather.  The busy of the moment is making it hard to soak up the little stuff.  The other day he had ice cream for the first time, specifically Mediterranean mint gelato my favorite.. he was disgusted and horribly offended by it.  His face was priceless and he has gone viral in our own little bubble.  Family and friends forwarding the hysterical 26 second video, while I drain my battery watching it over and over.  I take such pride in his facial expressions.  He wears his thoughts and emotions on his face honestly, the same way that I do.  I love how expressive he is.  Later my Mom helped me give him his first big boy bath.  I have been needing to transition him to his own bathroom but such an event requires photos and video documentation.  Trying to wrangle a slippery little man take pictures and be the on call lifeguard was more task than I was willing to burden myself with.  My mom dumped all his toys in... why not make it special Grammy style.  He sat up laid down, kicked and splashed, sat up again, back down again.... he is part dolphin I am pretty sure.  He has been a regular at his great grandparents pool this summer (thanks Bill & Brenda) and clearly it has paid off he is a water baby.

I am loving that the leaves behind our house have started to change a little I am so excited for everything that follows summer. Nick was cleaning his car yesterday night and I realized we haven't been for a ride even since Easter, when I realized a rear facing car seat was not gonna work in the fun machine.  We used to take long rides out of town and have "Beetch & Stitch" time together.  I am working on stealing my Man away for a night to get out of town, eat someplace and not ask for a high chair and take his car out of the third bay for a change.  I still cling to the old us... I miss the romance and being the priority.  I wouldn't trade the changes for the past but I wouldn't mind a glimmer of the old us.  I keep saying after summer we will go do something, after the company comes and goes, after the heat is gone.... after he goes to college? Ha OK now I am being dramatic.  I think all couples with new babies go through the same things.  I have started to miss the spontaneous life we once had.  Before baby we could go at a moments notice anywhere ignore the cell phones and be in the moment.  Now even when we are alone we have to have our phones on in case my Mom needs to get ahold of us.  Trips are planned with naps, clothing and food for baby in mind.  Actual packing for a day trip is no joke.  It is work.  I do it just the same I want Leavitt to go everywhere we go where and when appropriate of course.

Downeast. Down home.

Downeast has never been my home but it is where my Mother's entire family is from.   A part of me wishes it had been my childhood home or that someday it will be part time.  Strangers all wave,  people go out of their way to accommodate you and are genuinely happy to see you.  We spent this past weekend there and I am so thankful for the fun we had.  We appreciate our family there that made it special.  It was fun to have both sides of Leavitt's family together, I hope we make that happen more for him.  We missed Nick so much.  We don't only miss his presence, we wish he could share in our memories.  I am so thankful he encourages us to have fun when he has to work.

So glad my Mom planned this for us and that Rachel, Josh & Russell made the trip.  I got to spend time with Russ being silly.  Mom & Russell got to see Bill & Brenda's horses.  Bill & Russell traded chocolate for hugs & high fives.  We made the most of every minute and Leavitt and I enjoyed a nap when we got home. 

Here are the highlights from our Downeast adventure...

A morning stroll with mom @ Uncle Basil's campground the Seaview.

Uncle Basil's trolley took us to the breakwater.

Cousin Janelle, Leavitt's Grammy & Leavitt... Life jackets are not fun.

Leavitt's Great Grandparents Joined us!

The pros. My cousin David & Will.

Bill did some work banding lobster claws under the supervision of Leavitt & Brenda!

My sister & her fam the Berry's.

Some worked... Others napped!

Cousins!!

The captain, my cousin David teaching the Varney boys about fishing!

Leavitt with both sides of his downeast family.

After dinner stroller ride with my momma!

With my Grammy

Mommy & Leavitt love adventuring together but we miss the Daddy!!

The Berry wedding

I am dizzy.  I feel like I have been spinning for the last week.  My sister got married on Friday, like any big event or holiday we look forward to for so long it comes and goes like a tidal wave.  The last week hit me quick and I am just now feeling the calm again and ready to reflect a little.

I spent the beginning of last week like most weeks except in between sweet pictures of my baby being sent were texts from my mom and sister "what are you wearing for the rehearsal dinner" "what shoes should I wear" "I am so excited" "what time is hair" "what time is dinner" "I really don't want to see them.... ugh fine I will suck it up" now I wont spill the juicy on who sent that last text or who they were talking about just know this is not our usual day to day chatter.

Thursday came and it was rehearsal dinner time.  We all met at Thistle a quaint little restaurant downtown.  My child, normally a saint on a schedule was pissed.  Not just kinda mad I mean inconsolable WTF get me out of here mad.  I felt horrible.  We love our routine.  At 6:00pm we like to take a bath, not have dinner in fancy restaurants with large groups of people.  OK maybe Nick and I enjoy dinner at fancy restaurants but Leavitt eats the same thing no matter where he is and clearly formula is best consumed at home.  Point noted.  We sweat our way through the first three courses, taking turns trying to sooth him, and each other.  We finally threw in the towel before dessert and took off early.  The waitress clearly felt for us and sent cheesecake home, which we enjoyed in our pjs on our bed while our child mocked us and refused to fall asleep... such is life.  Dinner was delicious and the company even better... I was only sorry we were so preoccupied with Leavitt we didn't socialize or soak up how special the night was.

The big day came.  I had originally planned to spend the night with Rachel and Mom with Leavitt at the hotel and hang with them all day.  I decided to hang low with Leavitt at home until it was hair time.  I wanted him to enjoy his day, I also wanted to enjoy myself.  After our hair Rachel and I got Starbucks and listened to music Rachel chose "to pump her up".  I asked her if she was nervous or super pumped and her response was "super pumped" insert fist pumping bride in my car.  I haven't been apart of too many weddings but I feel safe in saying that she was as eager as any bride could be.  I did my sister and Mom's make up we all finished getting ready and I was off to meet Nick in the lobby.  The majority of our family was waiting with him for the ceremony to start.

Russell ran down the aisle with a sign that said "daddy here comes mommy" in a little suit that made him look like a tiny man.  We were all so enchanted with Russell being held by his daddy the groom we did not notice the doors open until Russ hollered "Mama!!!" and pointed at the Bride.  What a perfect moment.  Their ceremony was personal and genuine.  The only fumble was when Russell ran full tilt into a wall in classic toddler fashion.  I loved how personal their ceremony felt, and was surprised it got me a little emotional.  I expected their wedding would confirm formally how I already see them as a family and committed couple in their everyday life... I did not expect it to get me a little misty.  I admire how much they love each other.  You could tell they were excited to see each other when she walked down the aisle.

At the reception I got several phone calls from my Dad who was sadly unable to attend due to his health.   The phone calls made me sad not just because he wasn't there but because I could tell how much not being there bothered him.  However my sweet nephew has some very strong traits of my Dad's especially on the dance floor.  We all enjoyed his moves and took turns being dragged out there by him.  I found my rhythm with several Bob Segar songs and made my man spin me around the dance floor to a classic love song.  Today I spotted a picture of my little fam on Nick's facebook and saw Rachel Berry liked it... who the heck is Rachel Berry? Oh yeah she's MARRIED!!

Pembroke

Generally I do not like to have my picture taken professionally.  I have a "good" side that I prefer to have my picture taken from.  I usually regret my outfit choices.  Let's be honest, you don't like having yours taken either, unless your name is Giselle or you are far too into yourself.  It can be awkward.  Now that I have a handsome little man though I am sure no one will even care what I wore or if my "good" side was captured, truthfully I don't really care either this time.  I decided to call a lovely girl name Danielle Brady from Danielle Brady Photography, and I am so glad that I did.  She was relaxed and easy to deal with.  Professional yet like an old friend.  Luckily for us she made us look great, had fabulous ideas and her work will be kicking around our family forever.  I might turn out to be someone that enjoys the process after all!

This whole thing came about as Nick's father's day present.  Ever since I have stopped punching the clock on a regular basis it has become increasingly hard to gift.  If my boyfriend wants something, he buys it.  The things he would ask me for are thoughtless.  Mancave decorations and gadgets are not exactly what I would consider thoughtful... nor do I care to splurge on something that I am not excited to give.  A first father's day after all is a pretty sentimental thing.  When Nick was born he was the first Varney grandchild and they did a four generation portrait of the guys.  Leavitt also is the first in his generation and a four generation of these guys was a must.  Let's not forget behind every guy is a Momma that made him so us ladies joined in for a few group pictures.  Nick and I also had family photos done for the first time since Leavitt was born.  

Pembroke is special to Bill and Brenda.  Bill's mother's family is from there, the Leavitt name originated from there and has been passed down for many generations.  Bill, Rick and Nick share it as a middle name and it was only fitting our little guy have it too.  I love that it comes from Pembroke.  My family on my Mother's side all come from there as well.  I am always excited to make the drive down the airline to see Bill and Brenda, even though they are not my grandparents being down there some how feels like I really am there with mine.  I hope Leavitt loves it down there the way I do.  I hope the salty air always clears his mind, that the drive feels like coming home in a way and has a sense of the simple humble roots both sides of his family share.  It only seemed fitting that their beautiful property be the backdrop for these pictures.  I was saddened to learn that not long after we had these done a terrible storm left them and their neighbors without power and many had damage to their trees and property.  Here are some of my absolute favorites but it was truly hard to choose!