Something new

Hi there! Glad you found your way to the fancier new page.  Fancy doesn't mean we won't be giving you the nitty gritty so don't expect any fluff, that just wouldn't be our style.  I say our because I legitimately have not one second alone anymore.  My tiny taskmaster is officially on the loose.  No more stuck in a pack'n play, no more mommy getting him out of his crib.  He has found his freedom and by god he will assert that shit all over the place.  I find myself watching him make a mess just so I can clean a different one up.... isn't there some fitting quote about insanity that fits here? Thought so.

So I decided to spiff this little area up where I come to to document the memories, vent my mommy frustrations and keep it real for all of you who don't get the pleasure of living with a toddler.  I hope you follow along with our journey, share some of your own experiences in the comments, tag a friend or share a post you and your mommy tribe relate to.  I love hearing from other moms as much as I like being one.  I added a Lost section where you can find our adventures and a lifestyle section where I plan to share my favorite things with you all.  I get asked on Instagram all the time where I get my baby stuff, mom swag and I love to follow the sales even if I don't actually buy something.   Give a girl a hot second to get this wedding, honeymoon and summer over with and I will put in the effort... I hope!

Anyways, we are teething hardcore, wedding planning like a crazy people... oh yeah we are hours away from a one week countdown.  I am fully prepared minus the packing part but obviously that will be overdone and last minute.  I have been trolling the back to school sales... oddly they include babies and toddlers in these sales so who am I to turn them down.  Gawking at all the precious things I would buy if my child's closet didn't already rival mine.

I hope we survive the next week better than this week.  Nothing like a seating chart to send some adults into a tizzy.  My little guy spent all week with me because daycare was closed... so productivity has been down around here.  I am currently dealing with some devastating family news that keeps the perspective real so my no bullshit policy is in full effect until further notice.  Hope everyone loves the new design as much as I do! Take a look around and tell me what you think.  Say a little prayer for my family please and also that I can make it through this week with my sanity.   I will be sweating saying see ya later to my favorite little guy for the honeymoon.  Hopefully it doesn't send me over the edge... because the me that is up all night worrying lately thinks leaving him behind was the dumbest thing we ever decided.  Or was it the smartest?! I am off to get a grip and move this sweaty sleeping toddler out of my bed... am I the only one who things co sleeping is crap? I'm sorry I can't bond with someone sitting on my face, kicking me in the ribs, and pulling on my eye lids.  Lets leave that for another time :)

Where you been?

We just moved home from a staycation at a local hotel while we had some work done at our house.  The idea sounded ok but the novelty wore off immediately after checking in… what can I say our family likes to vacation in style or be home, we really don't do the regular life at a hotel well.

Anyways, for those of you that have asked I haven't really given up the baby book blogging, I just haven't been sure where I wanted it to go after the first year letters to precious Leavitt.  So if you're one of the ones who read this sappy, sarcastic stuff I write about mom life then please don't give up on us and follow along as we navigate toddler antics, parenting firsts and wedding planning.  Thats right Leavitt's parents are getting hitched.

I gave this thing a face lift hoping it will excite me a little bit… and since I hate computers it made my face look weird on the picture and I have no idea why… so I am going to bug the geek squad guy about it while I fork over the $30 for a password reset for my brand spanking new laptop I can't use because we don't know what the password is.  Insert eye roll, finger pointing and annoyed people sharing busted old laptop.

Here is a little peek at the precious face that is keeping me busy and the reason I never want to forget these days.

Florida vacation

  We just returned from our first real vacation as a family and it sobered Nick up to life with baby 24/7 pretty quick…. I think we both wanted a vacation from our vacation when we finally made it home, that cold familiar air felt nice for a change.

As always Florida did not disappoint me, but things sure have changed since I spent carefree youthful days living there.  Actually Florida is basically the same, I just no longer suffer from "wish I still lived here" nostalgia.  Spending time with my sisters and their girls always makes me wish we were lived closer.  That the kids could play on a regular basis and that our shopping trips were more frequent.  I love seeing them with their nephew, and I adore the little ladies that call me Auntie.  My sister Barbara was sick with pneumonia while we were there, and she still woke me up every morning with a cup of coffee and a quick bathroom chat before the stir of little children pulled us in every direction.  My sister Kim and I took Leavitt to the outlet mall and got our retail fix… not that either of us probably needed it but it felt good just the same.  Having so many siblings has been the best gift my Dad has given me, sisters don't ever walk away.  Children, family spats, and everyday drama only makes sisters closer and I needed an extra dose of that.  Next time I hope Rachel and Miss Saylor will join us for some girl time!  Maybe even have a cousin magic kingdom excursion with Russell... I would love to see their faces at Disney.

Nick flew down and met me half way through the vacation.  As soon as we picked him up we were on our way to see his Grandparents in Ocala… Leavitt was sick, Nick was ticked off about some work nonsense and I was left to drive the crazy train. Just seeing Nick at the airport was exciting for me, I love a little family adventure and I certainly missed him while we were apart.

 Leavitt spent his days toddling around their house hugging the dog, scaring the cat, turning off computers and throwing phones.  Occasionally he played with the toys they so kindly had there for him.  He scared the daylights out of everyone with his impressive projectile vomitting skills and my only saving grace was Brenda, some chardonnay and a jar full of M&Ms.  Finally we had a pool day and Leavitt got some face time with a horse. Overall we enjoyed some real relaxation… as much as any parent with a sick kid on vacation can.  Leavitt discovered a love for kiwi while at his great grandparents and has been chowing down on them ever since we got back.

 I have to admit even though I am less than thrilled with Leavitt's new toddler tantrums and wild antics, it is nice for others (especially Nick) to see what it's really like with him... I feel like I have mommy street cred now... Especially with the busted lip he gave me right before we left.  

Here are some of my favorite memories from the trip... We hope to be back in Florida sooner rather than later!! Of course per usual we forgot to get a family photo of the three of us... Whoops.

4th of July aftermath

We have recovered from our holiday weekend at camp.  I don't know about all of you, but packing up three people for a weekend to be spent in bathing suits and pajamas is so much work! I dread the coming home and unpacking process even more.  The laundry is unreal.  Anyways, the laundry is done, the tans are darker, our bellies are still full, and now I am going to fill you in on the nitty gritty. Contain your excitement please.

Anyone that knows my soul would tell you I despise the beach.  The sand, the salt water, the random near nakedness of sweaty strangers, the ride home in my own sweat, and sand in places that never saw the sun.  Take a second to let that visual make you never want to go to the beach.  Well now that I am a mom and want my child to experience all our beautiful state has to offer I actually asked my mom to go to the beach with Leavitt and I on friday instead of shopping.  No, I am not sick but writing that makes me think I actually might have a fever.  The sacrifice is real.  Just as luck would have it my sister was able to tag along and we had a nice little beach day, all that was missing was Russell and if you ask my mom, champagne.  Sorry mom, I was only thinking of myself when I packed the sparkling water instead of sparkling grapes.  But driving, tourists, and a toddler running anywhere near rocks and the ocean is enough on my plate, a slow reaction time would've been no bueno.   Also while rocking my mom suit you had better believe I was on guard in case a wardrobe malfunction were to ensue... not to mention the throngs of tourists taking pictures.  I felt like Mariah Carey trying to avoid the paparazzi, it was out of control.   So back to what I DO like about the beach.  Leavitt loves to chase and be chased so the waves kept him entertained.  He's a warm bath kind of guy so the cold water took some getting used to.  He made "friends" with some long haired hippies that wore their corduroys to the beach.  When it got too hot they took their pants off and hung out in their skimpy man undies... uhhh yeah.  Nothing more awkward than dragging your kid away from half naked men in all your mom glory.  Safe to say I am thankful I currently am in control of his social circle.  We left at lunch time and of course I couldn't pass up a chance to visit our wedding venue and show my sister where all the fun will happen.

That afternoon when we got home from the beach I unpacked, then repacked for camp.  By now everyone north of New Jersey was headed to the Maine coast and traffic was a B.  It crossed my mind more than once what the big deal was... I mean almost every car was packed with people and had something on the roof.  By the time we got to camp Leavitt was sick of my shenanigans and was happy to see his Gramp.  That kid is a trooper, but man when he's all set, he's really all set.  Per usual Nick was late, Leavitt practically demanded a boat ride, I was on edge freaking out inside about the potential for a rescue mission off the dock because Leavitt is not exactly a safety first dude.  The fourth was just as wonderful as the first two I have spent with Nick.  I love getting to share his traditions with Leavitt too.  We ate lobster, chased babies, refused naps, blew bubbles, went for another boat ride, and at the end of the night when everyone else was too tired to stay up Leavitt and I laid on the day bed and watched the fireworks across the lake.  I love a good party, but I really love our routine.  I need that normal alone time with Leavitt to decompress.  Leavitt and his Gramp caught their first fish together, Leavitt really was more into messing with the pole and driving the boat than the actual fish.  Lucky for said fish, Leavitt never got his tiny paws on him and the fish will live another day.  All in all we had a great weekend and of course my tiny taskmaster decided his first nap of the weekend should be just as I got us all packed and ready to go.... so typical.  Obviously he got the independence day memo and thought he'd assert his all over the place.  Biggest thanks to Nick's parents who put the whole weekend on.  Jane was actually away, but Rick held down the fort and pulled it off perfectly.  I especially was feeling a little pampered since I didn't cook all weekend.  The guilt of that must have been more than I could bear because we hit up Hannaford on a Monday and spewed birth control all over the place with Leavitt's tantrum at the check out.  Parents of teens working their summer bums off at Hannford, you're welcome.

Total side note.  The blog is actually under construction so even though you can read this post there will be big changes coming in the next week or so! Try with all your mommy might to heed your excitement until I can tell you for sure whats going on!!

XO- Samantha

Happy half Birthday!!

Leavitt William,

My precious, vibrant, determined, wonderful one and a half year old! I can not even believe I am the mother to a toddler little alone someone to be so proud of.  You are smart, witty and giving.  You have your own little way about you that makes me smile.  I both fear and adore your tenacity.  You are a force my love, and I am loving getting to know you better every day.

I hope to always at least recognize and celebrate you in some way on your half birthday.  I hate that you are rushed through the birthday excitement because of Christmas, so we will always find a way to make this day special too. Truly I hope you feel celebrated everyday.  I hope you hear me as I cheer you on with all your little adventures, and that you are beginning to see that "no" really does mean no.  Speaking of no, you still hate that word.  You still give me the side eye when you hear it and I can see you calculating in your head weather I am close enough to stop you or if you have time to make a valiant attempt.  Keep your quick wit kid, you're going to need it to outsmart your mom, lord knows you're already trying.

Thank you for being such a light in our lives.  You really melt me to the core with your tight hugs, and adoring kisses.  Being your mom is such an honor, but dude you've really been exploiting that lately.  For instance, you know how much I love dressing you so when you're pissed at me you rip off your clothes and diaper.  Yeah, you're probably a teenager by now reading this so from one rebel soul to another I hope you've grown out of that by now! By the way if you don't I am so going to do that to you when I get to the nursing home... you've been warned.  You also have a real problem with anyone looking at you when you are in the car... that one I can't explain but its a thing you've been doing so for now I am rolling with it.  You are into everything and climb up on the kitchen island, causing every one's heart to skip a beat.  You're a real thrill seeker, and total bossy pants.  You like going for rides on your Grampy's boat but you are really only happy if you are in control.  You also have a fascination with cars and love going to the dealership to sit in all the cool showroom cars... another Grampy thing.  Lucky for me he realizes the monster that he's created so he drags you out kicking and screaming and puts you in the car seat.  You are also sensitive with a heart of gold.  You sometimes have a hard time when I drop you off at daycare, crying and not letting me set you down.  I try to put on a brave face but I miss you just as much, probably more.  You should probably know that once I am done my mommy stuff, and catching up with a girlfriend here and there I don't relax and wait until its time to go get you.  I just go get you.  I cringe at the thought of doing nothing without you.

We sat on the porch and watched it rain the other day, you loved running around getting all wet.  I love watching you explore this world with all your wonder, but sometimes have to tell the uptight control freak inside of me to shut up and let you be messy, crazy, wild & filthy.  Its not in my nature to really let go and not worry about the mess, but I am trying.  We have been playing hooky from our mommy and me madness, you don't seem to mind.  Right now you are in swim and music, and occasionally we go to gymnastics if we don't have a play date the same day.  You're basically a Bangor toddler socialite.  You and all your little buddies who are running their mommies ragged too.   You even have a group of adoring elderly fans at Dysart's.  We have a standing Tuesday date there before music... you're a real sucker for the mediocre food and the throngs of senior citizens.  You love that they wave and call you by name... I have to admit it used to be cute, now it feels excessive.  You ham it up for them, you're going to either be in a boy band or a politician I have decided.

So happy half way to your second birthday!!! We love you bunches!!! XOXO

Love,
Mommy

P.S.  Daddy is a total sucker and has been hitting up toys r us pretty hard lately.  So today lets go get Starbucks and stop by there with his picture.  I am going to threaten everyone that works there, that they are not to sell anything else inflatable to him... or they will incur the wrath of mommy!! Maybe you should work up a hand gesture to help me out with that.

We don't care you don't change diapers

In honor of Father's Day I am going to give a big shout out to the traditional man, more importantly father.  The guy that you grew up seeing on TV, who goes to work, pays the bills, kisses the wife, throws the ball with the kids real quick then turns it over to Mama.  This guy doesn't change diapers, or travel alone with the baby, he doesn't make the meals, or clean up after dinner.  He's not attending play dates, or running household errands.  He's not even totally sure what goes on here during the course of every day.  What he does is just as important.  He is a provider and none of it is possible without him.

I will be the first to admit that there are days I wish I had a job outside of the home and that Nick was forced to wrangle our toddler alone.  He's a full blown toddler with at that entails and it can be exhausting.  But all this feminist BS about dads watching kids shouldn't be called babysitting, and hurt feelings over society's expectations of Mother's totally blows my mind.  I'm the Mom, I can handle it.  I may be rolling my eyes, and over caffeinating myself (totally did that every day at my real job anyways) to get it together but its happening. Luckily for me Nick has been witness to enough of the crazy to feel sorry for me from time to time.  Not sorry enough to change diapers and that's OK.

So Happy Father's Day Nick! We love you and so appreciate your hard work.  We are always sad to see you go and happy to have you home.  I appreciate the looks of "what the hell was that" after a meltdown and your sympathetic laughs that make me glad to have you on my team.  Most importantly thank you for sacrificing your time so that I can have more.  For making it possible to be with Leavitt instead of at work and, for not guilt tripping me for needing two days of sanity and me time when he goes to daycare. Thank you for not being annoyed that I basically always drop him off late and pick him up early because I miss him.  Thank you for trusting me to make the big decisions and reassuring me when I am flying by the seat of my pants.  We love visiting you at work and hope you know how happy it makes me that you are doing what you always said you wanted.   I would continue to kiss your ass here but you're about to need my help laying out your clothes for work, and speaking of clothes, I've ignored Leavitt longer than he'd like so he's taking all his clothes off! Lucky me, he's going to be a real treat when he is a teenager if this keeps up!

And also thanks for dealing with my daily pictures of what is going on especially when he's driven his power wheels into someone's Buick and I'm not totally sure what I should do...

The reset

So I wrote this about a month ago and tonight while reading and reminiscing about my favorite boy who is currently under the weather while his Mama battles the bridal blues, I accidentally have reminded myself that its time to reset.  I need to get off the mommy hamster wheel and do something fun for myself.  Call the friend I have been dying to check in with but up until lately have only been able to muster a text, drink a glass of wine that has been passed over in favor of caffeine day after day, and pat myself on the back for having the baby in bed by 8.  Oh yeah.  I would have just rewritten all of this but the second paragraph is essentially my everyday truth and you should probably read it and have a laugh at my expense....

Like most Moms that try to be everything to everyone, I struggle a little to let go of my Mommy role and settle into my partner role.  We just went to Boston to celebrate my soon to be sister in law's graduation from optometry school.  Talk about being knocked down the ladder on who Leavitt will ask to career day…. I will send muffins, whatever.

Before we left him in the loving, capable hands of my mother I had a little break down.  I always worry about being less than a short drive from him so I was a little nerved up.  I also have a nagging OCD version of my Grammy Nightingale inside that would like to put plastic on the furniture.  So just as I thought we were ready to roll, Nick who has used the oven all of four times decided to make himself some lunch.  WHAT. THE. HELL.  I can't stomach coming home to a mess.  Not to get carried away but the thought brings me to tears.  Then Leavitt barfed.  Yeah that again.  So I started crying.  I'm going to miss him, I'm sick of cleaning up vomit, partial tears of joy that Nick knows how to use the oven, and partially crying because there is a mess I might come home to.  I am a mess. My mom, witness to the whole shit show.

Honestly I love the rare quality time I get with my man.  It feels good to feel that connection that has weathered years of life.  Sometimes I get a little nervous wondering if he thinks I have become too safe and forgotten that wild child in me that brought us together.  We talk a lot about Leavitt, how funny his quirks are, how much we love his little attitude even though he knows how to push my buttons like his daddy.  We spent the weekend following an itinerary stealing moments here and there of quiet.  Then on our way to brunch we got stuck in a fancy town we don't live in, blocked out by a parade not for us and we threw our hands in the air and drove north.  Stopped at a cute little place in Kittery to soothe the hanger pains and hit the gap outlet...baby clothes, cute mom jeans, and carb overload...priorities people.

I honestly did not need to reset myself very often until lately.  The mom days are longer, the sleep shorter, the tantrums louder, my man less accessible, the stuff that our life is made of seems to all be on steroids lately.  However my willingness to let go and ask for help gets less and less. His stages feel so fleeting I don't want to miss anything, but I am afraid I won't even recognize myself if I don't catch my breath.